Commitment

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Think of the identity of your relationship — how you and your partner perceive it to be. In fact, his behavior will give you VALUABLE information about his attitude toward demonstrating commitment to your relationship.

Really think it through. No wonder results have eluded him. As a couple, you work on finding a solution, not walking away, she said.

Commitment

You may avoid a prickly conversation if you know the other person will not be around forever. You may move on to another love if your current one has a debilitating accident or simply starts to rub you the wrong way. Commitment is a choice to give up choices. Although this might at first sound limiting, it actually brings great freedom and depth. No longer does the committed person need to weigh which person or way of life will bring more happiness. No longer are other possibilities a distraction. The two major stages of commitment are making the initial commitment and keeping the commitment. Making the initial commitment Much of the research on how commitment impacts marital happiness has centered on making the initial commitment. Usually social scientists have compared couples who cohabit before marriage with those who have not. This tentative or partial commitment makes all the difference to their future marriage. According to marriage researcher Dr. Scott Stanley, those who cohabit prior to engagement score worse after marriage on virtually everything measured than those who wait until marriage or wait until after engagement. The nature of cohabitation presumes the possibility of the relationship not working out and thus the commitment not being permanent. Stanley hypothesizes that regardless of income, race, and culture, sliding will be associated with more risk than deciding. Deciding will be universally associated with lower risk because of the mutual clarity and resulting follow through. In addition, the research shows that women are at a greater disadvantage if they move from a cohabiting relationship to marriage. With these couples, husbands have less dedication to their wives than the wives have to their husbands. Kline, Stanley, and Markman, in press 2. Regardless of whether one marries in a secular or religious ceremony most couples still believe that they are making a permanent commitment. What happens between the solemn pronouncement of wedding vows and the decision to divorce? Certainly some couples made the decision to marry too young, too impetuously, too naively. Still others just got bored or tired of trying to make it work. Still others earnestly worked and gave their all to the marriage but their partner decided he or she wanted out. But research Waite and Gallagher, 2000 shows that many marriages could be revived if the commitment is strong. Waite and Gallagher surveyed a large national sample of unhappily married couples and found that after five years, three fifths of the formerly unhappy couples reported that they were very happy or quite happy. Sometimes it is simply the commitment to each other that carries a couple through the harder times, along with generous doses of time, counseling, effort, luck, and faith. It reminds couples that as wonderful as the feeling of love is, it is not sufficient for a marriage. Acting on this decision by doing loving things for your spouse, speaking kindly and respectfully, and deciding over and over to pay attention to the relationship makes love rekindle. These simple actions, and many more, are the stuff of commitment. Wallace Goddard and James P.

We tap these fences into place every time we con little choices in word and deed that help us avoid compromising relationships, or even the optics of one. This has opened my mind to search deeper within and figure out what commitment means to me. What are you committed to achieving. You have to be servile to communicate your wants and needs to each other and make sure you both understand. Sharing our marriage struggles with an empathetic colleague seems innocent enough, but is exactly the kind of emotional infidelity that leads to more complex involvement. Commitment is like training for a tout. Ideally, you make a commitment with full consciousness and clarity that this is what you want, accepting all challenges and obstacles as part of the package. You both have to be strong enough to go home and jump your own mate when you encounter desirous people along the way. This is where it really gets tricky. A promise is a small commitment. Compromise is an inherent part of a relationship.